if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize