I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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