so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
