It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
