So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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