I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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