i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i wish my penis had a tongue
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
