I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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