i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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