she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
It all started with a game of naked twister.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
