well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
