this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
