Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
