just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
