I'm drive I can fine osifer
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
