so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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