she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
