Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Randomize
