Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
