Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
