Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
