hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
