You just made me feel so damn special
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
