Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I need to stop coming to work sober
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
