No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
pop tarts are not kleenex
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
