wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
