He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
