you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
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