ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
