First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Randomize
