Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
