My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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