Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
My penis needs a shock collar
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
