There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
