Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize