Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Randomize
