Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
