It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
