He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
