So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
