i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
