Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Screwed.edu
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
