There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
