Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
