yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Acid is not a monday night drug
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
