mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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