There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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