apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
