I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize