I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
i black out too much to be "responsible"
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
