I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
