i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize