Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
