i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
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