So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He? As in you personified your dick?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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