is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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