Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
