note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
