I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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