So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize