; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Is Oprah even human
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
