At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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