1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
