you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
