I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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