I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
