addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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