Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
