oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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