dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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