ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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