So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
