I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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