Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
