Already got asked if we're dating
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
