cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
