My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Randomize
