I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
