Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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